Confession Time

[Digger]

A guy goes into the confessional on Saturday afternoon and says to the priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Tootie Green twice last month."

The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. Ive had sex with Tootie Green twice a week for the past two months."

This time, the priest questioned, "Who is this Tootie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood", the sinner replied.

"Very well, sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Marys."
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasnt wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Tootie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think its just a reflection from her shoes.."

[titan performance]

Three quiet young brothers were nervously looking forward to the annual village dance. David, John and Richard weren't very confident with girls, largely because they were a bit geeky and low in self confidence. John and David were each 6' 6" and weighed just 140 lbs, and Richard was 6' 8" and 145 lbs. These boys weren't built for dancing...apart from their height, John and David took size 17 shoes, and Richard a whopping size 20 !
Come the evening of the dance, Richard was beginning to lose enthusiasm for the outing, and at last minute, announced he wouldn't be going.
Deciding to make the most of it, the other two set off for the village hall.
After spending a couple of hours people watching at the back of the dance floor, a couple of nice looking girls approached the two lads. The boys were nervous, and keen to make a good impression......"we couldn't help noticing just how tall and thin you are..........and your feet !..
your feet are absolutely huge !" said one of the girls.
John stooped down to the girls level and said, " yes, all of our family are tall, but if you think our feet are big.....you should see our Dicks !"

[rbond]

Oh the problem of being called 'Richard' by your parents........