Mon with a Monkey

[Suzukidave]

Bloke walks into a pub with his pet monkey.

He orders a beer, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.

The monkey grabs some nibbles off the bar and eats them.

Then grabs someones chips and eats them.

Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The barman screams at the bloke, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The bloke says, "No, what?"

"He just ate a ball off the pool table!

He swallowed it whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke.

"He eats everything in sight, the little bastard.

Sorry. I'll pay for the ball and that."

He finishes his drink, pays up for the monkey and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the pub again, and has his monkey with him.

He orders a beer and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a cherry on the bar.

He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it.

The barman is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the bloke.

"Well, he stuck a cherry and a peanut up his arse, pulled them out, and ate em!" said the barman.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke.

"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to crap out that pool ball, he measures everything first." !!!