Rodney Rude...
Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:46 pm
For those of you unaware of Australia's own witty wordsmith, R. Rude is a local comedian of, perhaps, the more 'succinct' persuasion...
Try these on for size:
DISCLAIMER - don't read on if political incorrectness and rude words offend you.
Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they f___ off and its a really nice day.
------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a Kit Kat
Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood
rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am
in a bad mood, it leaves a big f___ing big red mark on her forehead.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zebu, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a
day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no
brakes.
Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's
f___ing hilarious....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating
shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'
The reply from his friend......'You're so f___ing lucky...Mine's still
alive...'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'F___ off, you won't bring it back.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10
minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My wife's an epileptic'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds
to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you c___!'
Cheers
Paul
Try these on for size:
DISCLAIMER - don't read on if political incorrectness and rude words offend you.
Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they f___ off and its a really nice day.
------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a Kit Kat
Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood
rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am
in a bad mood, it leaves a big f___ing big red mark on her forehead.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zebu, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a
day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no
brakes.
Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's
f___ing hilarious....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating
shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'
The reply from his friend......'You're so f___ing lucky...Mine's still
alive...'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'F___ off, you won't bring it back.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10
minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My wife's an epileptic'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds
to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you c___!'
Cheers
Paul
